Hi this is Jody. Another episode of Coffee with Jody from ActionCOACH Team Sage and today I’m going to talk with you about the four quadrants of parent child adult and sociopath.
If you’re frustrated with your employees coming to you with every little complaint about their colleagues and co-workers this video is for you.
Today. I’m going to talk with you about restoring hHealthy employer/employee relationships.
Way back when, there was a book on transactional analysis, and it talked about low self-esteem on a scale to high self-esteem, and then low respect for others on a scale to high respect for others.
And in that lower quadrant, the low respect for self and the low respect for others is sociopathic. So we don’t want anybody like that on our team right.
But, when you have high respect for self and low respect for others that’s a critical parent type of role.
The opposite is low respect for self and higher respect for others which is more of a child’s position.
And when I go into businesses, I often see this parent/child dynamic where the business owner acts, inside of the title of a we’re a family like here, like a parent and then many times will say “Oh you just have to treat your employees like kids, you have to always be telling them what to do. Otherwise, they’re not going to get done what they need to get done.
That particular dynamic actually creates dependent employees who have to run to you as a business owner for every little thing and particularly when they’re not getting along with their co-workers.
It creates an environment where they hide when they’re not actually getting done what they need to get done and they hide mistakes because they’re in a parent/child dynamic where they’re avoiding you’re upset as an owner.
So what I like to do is, go up in the high respect for self and high respect for others quadrant. That’s where adult lives, where they respect themselves and they’re internally motivated to do the right thing as opposed to being afraid of getting in trouble with you.
And, you are relating to them as adults that are capable of solving whatever challenges are coming up in the workplace, whether it’s with their colleagues and co-workers or if it’s with something that they need to learn and that they don’t know yet.
So how do you do that? The best way is to ask a question because a question will always take someone out of their unconscious and into the adult part of the brain that wants to resolve something that’s unsolved yet.
The other thing that you can do, and I highly recommend, is when employees come to you complaining about something that happened with one of their co-workers is to say you know what, you’re both adults. You know what our core values are. I want you to go and solve it for yourselves and then come back and tell me how you’re going to do that.
Because the minute we go in to solve it we may solve it that day, but it’s not sustainable. If they solve it and they find a way to actually resolve their own differences, then they’re going to own that and you can keep building the adults and the environment and then you really have a team that’s an asset for you, as opposed to a bunch of like “feed me” little kids, which all of us business owners can’t stand.
So, that’s how you would go about it. Ask a question and punt back to them for them to solve it at the level of Team amongst themselves.
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And, call me if you’d like to have a conversation about how you can resolve this in your own work place at 305-285-9264 extension 301. I’d be delighted to chat with you about it.